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| Tracey and Bello |
We recently asked Tracey Robertson of The Bello Project to tell us a little about herself so we could write an introduction for her interview. Tracey provided such a great introduction we need to let her speak for herself.
Tracey Robertson (TR): Anyone who knows me would tell you two things ….
Hospice is my passion and Bello was my life. My husband used to joke that I would have thrown him into oncoming traffic to save Bello!
On a serious note… I am a passionate person who has made it my life’s work to prevent our fellow Canadians from dying alone or in distress. We have so little resources available to teach us how to care for each other on that final path of the journey we call life and I want to change that. I have been working on this for 12 years now and most recently myself and two other individuals co-founded Home Hospice Association. We are working to solve two problems; If 69% of Canadians want to die where they call home…why can’t they? If 84% of Canadians have no access to quality hospice care…what are we going to do about it?
I was the proud “non-fur” mommy to Bello who was the inspiration for the Bello Project. Bello had been with me since he was six weeks old and while I had plans on him breaking the world record of being the oldest boxer to ever live, he died on June 2, 2014 of a very rare form of pancreatic cancer. We were on a trip out west to see my brother when we found out Bello was terminally ill. He was diagnosed when we were in Vancouver and driving home both my husband and I prepared ourselves for the worse. My brother was so strong for me and he gave me some great words of advice and that was to enjoy the trip back with Bello and make lots of memories. While I thought I was doing everything to keep Bello alive for that final trip across the country I think he was in control because “he got us home”. Bello died in the sun-porch (which was his favorite room in our home) and he died in my arms while watching the sunrise.
I used to always say I had a four hour bungee cord attached to me when Bello was alive. And so, much of my time was spent doing things only he could participate in or quick activities that would get me back to him within that four hour time span!
Since Bello’s death my husband and I have become “experience evangelists” and we have reignited our love of travel and our “for a day adventures” on the motorcycle. Our winter experience at the Ice Hotel in Quebec City, while it met with a “what were you thinking” look from friends and family, was definitely a bucket list experience that fully embraces my personal hospice philosophy and that is to live big!
InfoStream (IS): The pet experience is clearly important to you, can you tell us how this developed?
TR: In one word…Bello. He was not my first pet but for some reason we formed a bond that I cannot even describe. We went through some really tough stuff together and through it all he was my protector, my guardian. I was supposed to take care of him but he completely took care of me.
When you deal with the reality of death and dying every day you actually approach life much differently. You understand that a good death comes from a life well lived. And so you make different choices; different decisions about your own life. You also look at your own mortality differently.
When I started to think about Bello and what would happen to him if I died before he did (this was pre-husband of course) it sent me into a panic. I had visions of being with Bello in my home; in my bed and Bello being there when I died. I imagined the funeral home coming to get me and him sitting there having no idea what was happening. And then what? Logically, someone would call animal control and he would be taken away in a van and put into a cage. The idea made me physically ill. There was no way I would do that to him. No way I could take that chance. I have seen first-hand how wrong prognosis can be. So even if the doctor said I had months or even years to live I would have made it my only mission to find Bello a new home, immediately, so that I would not risk putting him through that kind of agony.
It didn’t matter if I died completely alone - he was the priority – he was my life – he deserved the best I could give him.
IS: What inspired your care for dying people and their pets so deeply that you created The Bello Project?
TR: My journey in the care of dying people began when I had three family members who were terminally ill and my thoughts turned to applying my business experience to the non profit “industry”. As most people do, I gravitated toward causes that were about how my loved ones had died, not thinking there were causes that focused on how someone lived. And then I learned about hospice. It, on a soulful level, made so much sense to me. My rationale was “we are all going to get there”. What causes our death will be myriad. And when someone is going to die, nothing can be done to change that outcome. But something can be done to change the life that is left to live; that was what I wanted to do. I had a chance to say goodbye to my grandfather in a way that has kept my heart full, but it was by chance. I wanted to make sure everyone had the chance to die well. That is not just for the person who is dying but for all of those who love them. If we all experience what dying well looks like we get a little less afraid and a lot more open to caring for each other along that journey.
Considering most pet owners (I was certainly in this category) think of our relationship with our pets as a familial relationship the idea of helping pets be part of the concept of dying well just made sense. When you consider how many pets are their “parents” primary emotional caregiver, yanking that relationship away prematurely seemed tortuous. Having someone die, worried about whether or not their family would then surrender their pet or worse have them euthanized, seemed more inhumane than anything I could imagine.
I started to imagine a better way. I started to imagine a relationship with a new family that shared in Bello’s care while I was still alive. I started to imagine Bello under the dining room table of his “next” home getting fed turkey on Thanksgiving; but coming home at the end of the celebration to me. I imagined Bello going to the “next family’s cottage” for summer vacation but then coming home to me. I thought about the “next family” being called when the funeral home was called and while I knew he would be sad, he wouldn’t be scared, confused and wondering what he did wrong that caused him to end up in a cage.
I started to imagine The Bello Project!
IS: What are the main goals of The Bello Project?
TR: The number one goal of The Bello Project is to keep the pet and their terminally ill pet parent together until death has occurred. And to do so, in such a way that we have succeeded in eliminating the “what will happen” fear for the pet parent and “what just happened” fear for the pet. To support this main goal, we must also create a system and environment where the re-adoption (re-homing) process does not begin with the sight of a cute furry face on the internet. But rather we must build relationships with people who (because of their love for pets and their understanding of the importance of human / animal bond) are willing to become part of the circle of care for an animal with the knowledge that the ultimate “ownership” of that animal is the bitter sweet result of doing the most loving thing possible for both the pet and the terminally ill pet parent.
IS: What services does The Bello Project offer?
TR: The Bello Project offers basic care for pets to allow them to remain in the home of their pet parent along the entire span of the illness. Basic care can include transportation of the pet for appointments (medical / grooming), maintaining appropriate standards of care pertaining to feeding, walking, cleaning (cage, litter box, aquarium, yard cleaning) when the pet parent is too weak to maintain these appropriate standards of care, temporary overnight care when short hospitals are required or if the person is well enough to make a final trip to see family; and our signature Re-Homing Process which allows the pet parent to hand pick the family their pet will go to upon their death. And the amazing part of all of this (why hospice is the best way to offer The Bello Project) is because we can provide grief and bereavement counseling to everyone affected by this diagnosis. Grief does not just start “when the casseroles stop coming” and The Bello Project through it’s grief support helps the individual anticipating this loss, the family who is feeling guilty about not being able to take their loved one’s pet, the new family who will likely form a bond with the person who is dying and the pet by arranging with the funeral home to allow the pet to attend visitation and the funeral.
IS: Could you please explain ‘hospice care’ for us?
TR: Thank you for asking this question!!!! First I would like to explain what hospice care is not…it is not a building.
Hospice is emotional, spiritual and cognitive care for the person who has received a life threatening diagnosis (and those who love them). This care is delivered from the point of diagnosis not just in the last days or weeks of someone’s life. People consider hospice as a “death sentence” when really it is about living life in the face of death in way that allows that life to be big and in the moment. There is a great quote from a play called The Shadow Box; “If I can hear you telling me I’m dying; I’m not dead yet”. Tim McGraw’s “Live Like You Were Dying” has become an unofficial anthem for the hospice movement.
IS: Could you provide us with an example of the journey a human and pet might encounter with The Bello Project?
TR: When someone has received a diagnosis – we consider this as the “My World Has Been Turned Upside Down” phase of the journey, the most important thing we can do is alleviate some of the what if stresses. A trained member of the Home Hospice Association team will work through those emotional issues to help someone start to understand and make plans for each eventuality. While someone is along this part of their journey maintaining appropriate standards of care will be what The Bello Project offers.
Regardless the length of the journey there is always the reasonable expectation that the doctor is going to utter the words; “There is nothing more we can do, it is time to put your affairs in order”. During this phase the grief counseling grows to legacy work and discussion on the Re-Homing part of this journey. The Re-Homing process puts and keeps control of this part of the journey firmly in the hands of the person who is dying. Working with a grief counselor they paint a picture of their pet’s ideal new family. Options are presented and a family is chosen. Meet and greets take place in this part of the process to help with the selection.
When the selection has been made the new family becomes part of the team that has been maintaining the appropriate standards of care. The grief counselor now starts to work with the dying pet parent to allow for the transition to begin. Extended visits in the new family’s home for example help the pet to get used to it’s new environment and the process of transition is the most important part for the pet and is the pet parents’ assurance that the family does not change their mind once they are responsible for the 24 hour care of this animal.
When death has occurred, the new family is called and they now will take their pet home. No emergency measures and no cages! The family and the grief counselor work to ensure that the pet’s grief journey is respected and will facilitate opportunities for the pet to visit their deceased pet parent at the funeral home and to attend the funeral.
Ongoing support for the family is presented for as long as they need to work through the changes in their life
IS: What geographic areas does The Bello Project currently support and what are your plans for growth?
TR: Home Hospice Association is a turnkey operation that is gifted to any community that sees a lack in hospice care for their friends, families and neighbours as a problem that must be solved. When a community adopts their own Home Hospice Association they ultimately offer seven different services to their terminally ill members (and those who love them). The Bello Project is one such service. Building this turnkey operation has been the focus of our organization for the last year. We will be finished our work and will be ready to work with communities in January 2016. Our goal is to open one community in January and work towards a long term goal of 43 communities per year by the year 2020.
IS: How is The Bello Project funded?
TR: Most importantly The Bello Project comes at no cost to the pet parent or to the new re-homed family.
Work to date on The Bello Project has been completed through the utilization of thousands of volunteer hours. I have been working full time on Home Hospice Association (as a volunteer) since July 2014. Operational costs have been offset by personal investment.
The Bello Project is now working to build national corporate sponsorship (who we call National Sustainability Partners) to help reduce the $38.00 per day average cost of providing The Bello Project and to raise the money needed to offset professional services. It also requires operational support, awareness and volunteer contribution. We seek this non-cash but in kind support from associations and organizations such as PIJAC and the OSCPA. In May 2015 The Bello Project welcomed its first National Sustainability Partner, Dogtopia of Canada. They are working to raise both funds and awareness for The Bello Project.
Each year a combination of national fundraising and community based fundraising will be the way in which the Bello Project continues to do this heartfelt work.
IS: Is there anything else you would like us to know?
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